Have you ever wished there were classes on? Do you find yourself envious of friends who always know the right thing to say to a member of the opposite sex? Are you tired of spending your weekends watching old “Sex and the City” re-runs? If so, it may be time to learn a few lessons in the gentle art of flirtation. Knowing doesn’t come naturally for all of us, but flirting behavior can be learned. Here are a few suggestions from the experts:
Lose your negative self-talk.
Problems with knowingoften come from basic insecurity. “What if he doesn’t notice me?” “Is she looking at my bald spot?” When thrust into an unfamiliar dating territory, our thoughts sometimes go into over-drive. Psychologists warn against the dangers of negative self-talk in inhibiting our ability to feel good about ourselves. To counter this tendency, changing to positive self-talk is the obvious solution. Whether or not you initially believe the pep talk you are mentally giving yourself, it really does help! Researchers once found that when people are instructed to smile — even when they are not feeling happy about something, their moods improved after a few moments. It’s true that what you say or do over time becomes what you feel. So give yourself some positive thoughts before you walk out the door.
Learn a few techniques. Flirting itself can be a simple process. A primary object of flirting behavior is to make the other person feel like he or she is the only person in the room, and the most fascinating person in the world at that. So -
• Use your eyes like a weapon — make lots of eye contact. Think of it like a dance: take a quick look, look away, look back and hold their eyes. Tilt your head a bit and look some more.
• Ask the object of your desire lots of leading questions – not “yes” or “no” questions, but ones designed to draw them out and to tell you about themselves.
• Let your body language speak for you -with a whisper, not a shout. Lean in when you are talking to someone. Place a hand briefly on their arm or shoulder. And don’t forget to smile!
• Try to mirror the other person’s behavior. It may sound silly, but research has actually shown that if we do things like cross our legs in the same direction as the other person or take a sip of wine at the same time, we create more of a bond with that person. It’s all about listening to the other person – not just to what they speak, but what their body says.
Practice makes perfect. Now that you have a few flirting technique, practice them before you debut them in public. Whether standing at a mirror or recruiting a friend, you can practice how to flirt before you enter the next party or cocktail bar or speed dating event. Just like with any new skills, learning how to flirt takes knowledge and then practice. Sure, it feels a bit foolish, but you want to be a virtuoso of flirtation, so go for it!
By learning more positive thinking and practicing a few tried and true techniques, you will soon know how to flirt with the best of them. Good luck– and happy flirting!
Leave a Reply
You must be logged in to post a comment.